RHOBH – Are You My Friend? [Recap]

Image

So this season’s finale takes place at the BH Chamber of Commerce party and I can’t help but think this guy is so embarrassed over the fact he let the show actually be filmed here right now. I feel like people in Beverly Hills pretend this show doesn’t exist because they don’t want these trashy bitches who don’t even live in the town representing them. So when Bravo approached him film there he said, “Sure!” without knowing what he was getting himself into.

Image

Carlton enters first, but since she’s pretty irrelevant this episode outside of having to deal with Brandi’s drunken slur I won’t take a recap. Then Yolanda comes with a friend because David is too busy banging his mistress. Also, what is up with the dress she’s wearing? It has these really weird fishnet pattern awkwardly positioned at her shoulder.

Image

Then Kim and Joyce make their entrance. Why didn’t Kim come with Kyle? 

Image

They’re all waiting for the star of the show to arrive so they can take their turn ripping on Lisa because when they did it at the same time in PR she was able to get away. But not this time! 

Yokemon says she can’t be Lisa’s “Hollywood friend” even though it seems like that’s the only type of friends she has. And those are going to disappear quickly once David leaves her ass for a young bimbo in her twenties.

Image

Kyle picks up Brandi, who is wearing a dress that was probably nice before she got drunk and put it through the shredder. Now it looks like a hot mess.

Image

Because Lisa is the star of the show the only things the others can do is talk about her and silently wait for her arrival.

 

Image

Yo and Kyle both race to Lisa hoping to get to her first. Yolo beats Kyle so she’s the first one to get airtime with Ms. Vanderpump. She goes on and on how Lisa should have stayed with the group in PR because they weren’t finished with their ambush. Instead, Lisa and her husband left to another resort because they actually have responsibilities at home (unlike the other women) and wanted to enjoy their vacation. How dare they?!?!? 

Image

I love how Ken comes in and refills Lisa’s wine because she knows she needs it dealing with these bitches. 

Image

Kim is on the other side of the party smoking, which isn’t doing her image as the recovering alcoholic/drug addict any favors.

Image

Then she heads toward Lisa and Ken in order to apologize. Personally, I thought Ken should have accepted her apology but whatever, I’m not Ken nor am I dealing with Kim. Maybe if I was in his shoes I would have done the same thing.

Image

Brandi has had at least a gallon of alcohol and is bitching about Lisa in PR, causing Carlton to roll her eyes. Carlton! If I was Carlton I would have just told Brandi she was an attention seeking alcoholic, but then she’d say I was Lisa’s puppet. You can never win with this bitch, even if you’re a witch!

Image

Kyle is one lucky bitch tonight because unlike the other bitches who have to yank Lisa by the arm to go talk to her, Lisa comes to her! But then they talk about the tabloid….ugh. I truly don’t gave a shit about this stupid story line. The cameras weren’t there and I’m not going to dissect every little thing these ladies say in order to find out what happened. But not Kyle, she’s going to dissect every little thing that Lisa does.

Image

Yokemon and Kim can both relate to each other because their daughters’ have graduated high school so they’re now more mature than their mothers.

Image

Now it’s Brandi’s turn to rip on Lisa! She’s had 10 shots of vodka so she knows she’s ready.

Image

Brandi starts screaming and yelling about Scheana or whatever her name is even though they’ve already made up and have been cordial with each other off camera. But no, now she needs attention so she’s going to cry about the affair even it was 30 years ago and gave her a spot on this fuckin’ show. Of course she doesn’t care what Lisa thinks because this is about her and only her (she did the same exact thing when she talked to Scheana). She doesn’t want an actual conversation, she just wants some screen time.

Lisa does defend Scheana, though I think it was because she just got a bit defensive during Brandi’s whining and bitching.  I do think she believes Scheana knew that Eddie was married, but is just tired of hearing about it 57 trillion times.

Brandi wants Scheana fired, but Lisa can’t do that because if she had to fire any waitress that slept with a married man in L.A. there wouldn’t be anyone left.

Image

Mauricio and Ken step aside and have a normal and respectful conversation about each other’s viewpoint. Even when the others try to cause shit they get away from them before they continue the conversation. In the end, they make up and hug it out.

Image

Of course, Yolemons and Drunki won’t have any of that! They need to start as much drama as possible in order to have air time. Even though they intruded on Ken’s conversation, once he goes back to his original spot Yokemon snaps a him! Ken makes a dig about how David is never around Yoyo and I’m totally cool with that because the entire audience is saying the exact same thing. Both try to belittle him even though he is a self-made katrillionare who lives in a life size Barbie dream house and is a respected member of society.

Image

Since Ken’s hand is one foot away from her, she finds it the perfect chance to smack his hand away and pretend he hit her.

Image

Lisa and Ken do the smart thing and leave, but Kyle wants more screen time so she tries to yank Lisa back into the group. Lisa isn’t having any of it and shakes her off like a mother fucking gangster. They then head home where they have tea in their diamond encrusted teacups.

According to Joyce’s blog, Yokemon was causing a scene after they left over the fact he “hit” her. She was crying and shaking and getting all the attention she wanted. Damn, I really wished Bravo aired that instead of having us watch these bitches get their make-up done for the reunion.

Advertisements

The Real Housewives Awards

Bravo is hosting the first annual Real Housewives Awards! You can put in your votes by going on the official Bravo website and simply pick your favorites from twelve different categories. Since you don’t have to register nor does the site keep track how many votes come from a computer, you can vote for the same option how many times you want. So spam those buttons people!

Apparently, all the nominees are from the most recent season of all the active Housewives shows (this means no RHODC lol), which is so disappointing because some of the best moments came from the earlier seasons.

Lifetime Achievement 

Image

We start off with the Lifetime Achievement award and…. Where are the voting options? Normally they would be when between the “Prev Category”/”Next Category” links and the stupid Housewives Tagline but no matter how many times I refresh the page it just doesn’t appear. That’s strange. I’m mourning the lost opportunity of being able to vote the fabulous Lisa Vanderpump for this award.

Memorable Outfit

Image

Yes, for this award they actually present the fucking nominees! But the options, on the other hand, aren’t as thrilling.

For some reason, Gretchen’s proposal outfit is there and I don’t know why. There was nothing special about that outfit whatsoever and the same goes for Yolanda’s white pants. So there are four options left.

My vote goes to Kenya’s Phaedra outfit. Why? Because while the other women wore those outfits because they have a terrible sense of fashion, Kenya dressed like that to get back at Phaedra and cause some drama. It’s the most memorable because it gave us some entertainment, unlike the other outfits.

 Loveliest Locks

Image

The only ones out of these bunch who I ever saw get complimented for their hair is Joyce and Kyle. Cynthia’s natural hair is just a few centimeters away from a buzzcut and she just changes her weave every other day so I can’t take her seriously as a nominee.

Hmmm…this is actually kinda difficult. But in the end, I’m gonna go with Joyce because she really rocks those curls. Plus, it’s be entertaining watching Kyle foam at the mouth because Joyce stole the spotlight from her.

Most Shocking Reunion Twist

Image

I vote for Briana and Brooks because not only did she say Brooks sent a text to her husband telling him to beat her, Brooks fucking admitted it. Seriously, fuck that guy.

Best Fight Locale

Image

I wish we had more options from previous seasons, like Teresa’s table flip or Scary Island because none of these can compare to that level of crazyness and entertainment.

 My pick is St. Barths because none of the other choices are really doing it for me.

Favorite Real Housewives City

Image

Sorry about the extreme zoom out, I didn’t want to take two screen caps. But you get the point.

The voting for this is a little different. Instead of just clicking a button on Bravo’s official site, you have to like them on FB.

This is a difficult decision, not because these shows are so awesome and it’s hard to pick the best, but because the most recent seasons of these shows were pretty meh. I did enjoy the prior seasons of NJ, NYC, Atlanta, and Beverly Hills although their last seasons weren’t the best. But I’m surprised how few votes NYC received! The skanks at the OC even got more votes. WTF? Are they paying people to like their page because there’s no way that amount of people enjoy OC over all the other shows.

I’m going to skip this one for now because I have no idea which one I’m going to pick.

Best Supporting Agitator AKA The Shit Stirrer Award

Image

The problem with secondary characters who stir the pot is that it’s reeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeaaaaaaaaaaaaaallllllyyyyyy hard for them to not make them look pathetic and desperate for camera time. The only one who doesn’t seem desperate for camera time is Mama Joyce. I truly believe she would sabotage Kandi and Todd’s relationship even if the cameras weren’t there. And she probably has helped with the demise with Kandi’s past relationships. So that’s why she has my vote, even though she has severe emotional problems.

Favorite Quote

Image

I feel like Heather’s quote is going to get a lot of votes because everyone commented on it after the episode aired, but I never got the hype for it. I don’t think it’s really clever or funny.

Ramona, however, has my vote. I loved the way she cupped her hands over her mouth and obnoxiously screamed over Aviva’s bitching in a way only Ramona during a manic episode can. It was really the presentation that made it my favorite. Not so much Heather’s, who obviously rehearsed the line beforehand and was just waiting for the opportunity to say it.

Party Of the Year

Image

I vote for Ken and Mauricio’s Bday because any party thrown by Lisa is going to be fucking fabulous so I’d gladly deal with shitty synchronized swimmers and Carlton’s break from reality to attend.

Rookie of the Year

Image

Ugghhh,I had to skip Carlton’s video because she’s just so vile and full of shit. The only way she’s going to get Rookie of the year is if she put a spell on the fanbase, but since she can’t even explain what her religion actually is I don’t think we need to worry about that.

My choice goes to Kenya because even though she’s a Grade A psychopath she knows how to start drama and keep it going.

Outstanding Achievement in Extremely Short Form Live Action

Image

These gifs don’t line up properly, at least on Google Chrome. I tried opening Firefox to see if it was the browser but Firefox was having problems and didn’t want to open. But their format is perfect on Internet Explorer and mobile so it seems Google doesn’t have its shit together, especially if IE can do better than them. Alas, I’m going to continue using Google Chrome anyway.

 entertainmentgif2

I’m pretty embarrassed for Kim’s and Vicki’s because their’s weren’t intentional so I’m not going to pick them. While Kenya and Brandi’s behavior was pretty embarrassing I doubt they honestly give a shit since they twerk on pianos and get black out drunk every day.

However, I’ll pick Milania’s because it was the most memorable and something a lot of people would reblog.

OMG-est Moment of the Year

omgest moment of the year

I’m sorry everyone but I just had the vote for Portia and the Underground railroad. When the housewives are giving the granddaughter of a civil rights activist a history lesson then there’s something very, very wrong. You cannot make this shit up.

So what is everyone’s thoughts on these? Do you agree of disagree with me? Also don’t forget to cast your vote on Bravo’s website!

The Real Housewives of NJ – Children of the Scorned RECAP

RHONJ111

This episodes starts where the last one left off. Jaq and Tre are sitting at a table in some restaurant and Teresa has actually apologized for some of the things she’s done. REALLY?!?!? This is a miracle! It looks like she’s trying to make amends with the people around her but it doesn’t really matter because she’ll soon be in a jail cell rooming with a women named Mitch for possibly 50 years . But until then we’ll just enjoy the show.

RHONJJOE

In the meantime, Chris and Joe talk about Nicholas and his autism. Juicy then proceeds to say he knows people with autism and they’re smart in “somethings” and off in others. “Y’know what I mean?” Lol this guy is one of the most unintelligent person I’ve ever seen. I’m surprised a lot of people were shocked to see them bankrupt and committing loan fraud because there’s no way he can run a multi-million dollar business.

RHONJJOE2

 

RHONJMANZO

Next we have to deal with the Manzo Boys’ boring business ventures. Apparently, some fancy smancy spin class bought some BLK water and will force it down their throats.

I’ve tried BLK water. I bought a small bottle for about $1.39 in the hipster organic section at my local grocery store thinking, “I wonder why they’re whoring this on tv?” For some reason I thought fulviv minerals were like berries ands because of the color I expected it to taste like blackberries. Well I was wrong! Very, very wrong. It tastes like the regular water I can get from my tap. Seriously, did these two idiots think just because they’re on a popular reality show that they can sell this crap?

RHONJCHRIST

These boys need to stop spending their parents’ mafia money on silly projects and get a real job. From what I heard, keeping a restaurant afloat is extremely difficult. I knew someone who use to own one and he said with all the regulations and background activities(that often involve the mob) that go with running them, it often times causes you to lose more money then you spend. He currently is a high school history teacher, if you’re curious.  Though the restaurant might be popular when it first opens but Caroline isn’t going to be on the Housewives forever, so when her days come to an end I can imagine it closing.

RHINJCJ

This picture of CJ is really cute(even though it’s blurry in the screenshot).

RHONJecesdrp[

In the next scene, Teresa is playing with her young daughters. But of course, she decides to abandon them in order to eavesdrop on her 12 year daughter’s conversation to her preteens friends. Lol.

gianmakeup

Some people had a problem with 12 year olds wearing makeup. I however had a problem with parents letting their kids actually be guests in this show.

lingeriastonejackat

Jac and Kathy are in a lingerie store. This is what happens in a nutshell: butt pads exist, Tre invited everyone to Zumba for charity and Jac is getting a tummy tuck in California. Next scene.

joeandgiaaa

J. Gorga brings Gia go karting. I know a lot people make fun of Joe for crying when it comes to his family, but it seems like he really loves his niece. When the topic of the christening party came up, Joe said he doesn’t remember Gia there even though she was right there tugging at her mother’s waist with tears in her eyes. But he did take responsibility for his actions and dealt with the situation pretty maturely. Hopefully, uncle Gorga will be the father figure those girls need when the Guidices will be sent to jail.

beforezumba

So the whole cast arrives at Tre’s house before they get to the Zumba classes. They have a heartfelt greeting, the kids got taller and blah blah blah. Also, Kathy and Tre’s parents also had their own tiff when they were growing up, but I’m glad Kathy didn’t blame their parents for their own situation because I feel like that’s what Teresa or Melissa(if she was in Tre’s position) would have done.

bussociopath

On the bus, Tre tells everyone that Jacqueline called her a sociopath and surprise surprise, she has no deal what that words means. Lol. Saying she’s dumber than a box of rocks is definitely an understatement. So she googles it. I actually used Google to try to the find the exact definition to copy and paste on this site. But they apparently changed it so now I’ll just post Google’s current one

Sociopath: A person with a personality disorder manifesting itself in extreme antisocial attitudes and behavior and a lack of conscience.

There is no way Tre’s a sociopath! What, with the 11 million dollar bankruptcy and defrauding lenders out of millions and millions of dollars so the little people would pay for it. How crazy is Jac to even think of it?!?!?!?

milianiapole

Then Juicy tells Mel to go on the pole. That’s Milania’s que so she proceeds to climb up the pole and pretend to be Melissa. I’m just saying it’s a possibility the Joo-Dee-Chey’s planned the whole thing beforehand.

fakecause

When they finally arrive Teresa talks how she’s involved in the foundation because her heart goes out to a boy who unfortunately suffers from a rare kidney disease. While I think this a great cause to be involved in, I think Tre’s just faking it in order to look nice to her fans. It’s pretty obvious that she doesn’t give a shit about anyone but herself. Case in point: the upcoming court case! But I do hope the cause benefit in some way.

zumba

People dance and Mel talks about how life changed because the family is getting along for a change. Then Tre and Jac talk while Kathy comments how there’s hope. But…y’know. They’re probably going to fail.

I’m skipping the scene with the Greg goodbye party because it’s lame. OK?

ashleyback

Ashley’s back! And she’s not being annoying and milked for a storyline! I know a lot of people hated her because she acted like a brat, but there was a part of me that felt sorry for her because all of it was on national television. I could imagine Jac threatening to withhold money  if she refused to be apart of it(until the plot got old of course).

The rest of the episode is Jac’s tummy tuck, her husband and sons left in Cali and her daughter and parents in some restaurant. Not really worth my time.

NEXT EPISODE OF RHONJ! JAC’S HAVING HER SURGERY AND THEY’LL PROBABLY MAKE IT DRAMATIC EVEN THOUGHT SHE ENDS UP JUST FINE. KATHY COOKS, LAUREN DOESN’T CARE OF VITO BUT IT’S NOT LIKE ANYONE ACTUALLY GIVES A SHIT ABOUT THIS. THE JUICY PART IS ABOUT MEL’S FRIEND BACKSTABBING HE IN THE BACK!